theres so much ramblings going on inside my messed up little head. i make huge problems from small things..uggh..for example the whole thing with felicia and mc and me i mean so what if she was being pissy mayb she was just pmsing or sumthing rite? its so stupid how i take things like i make it like she doesnt like me because shes thinks im taking over her "future boifrend" and that shes blaming it all on my...it IS stupid...but then again she did say "i see that i cant love sumone who will go around flirting with other gurls" but then AGAAAAIN theyre not even together yet so she cant really say that as if theyre going out but then AGAIN she might jus say that meaning she cant love him as a crush because itll hurt her to see him flirting with other gurls..unfortunately that other gurl is me. damn me why am i always in this stupid positions..how do i even get in these stupid positions..
okay another thing in my messed up world inside my head is tha whole thing..like im trying to do this whole rebonding thing cuz seriously i feel bad for like just ditching him for a whole year when we talked for hours on tha fone before..back when i considered him one of my best frends and then i just threw it away and i regret that so im trying to get it back but its also so freakin hard when he wont even talk to you because hes too occupied in his world...that makes me sound self absorbed doesnt it...:S i dont kno what i mean is that hes so deep in thought and lost in his own world he wont talk to anyone...and it just makes it hard for me..and then theres still the fact that he wants to leave evrything else behind and go dt and start it over new there which means ill hardly even see him anymore its like..him going to a different country basically bleeeeh you kno what would make this UNBELIEVABLY awkward?! if he ever reads this or if she ever reads the above..or if anyone ever reads this ever. oh dear....
of course theres got to be MORE drama to make it even more messed up oh sigh but i wont continue with that let us move on to my self pity section where i pity myself in my lack of a friend that is a boy. i dont kno whats wrong with me..mayb its just me and i cant really open up to guys but then again its probably just that i turn guys off lol but then AGAAAAIN i do have a lot of guy frends...just not close ones..i dunno its hard for me to trust them..the way i grew up and what was pounded into my mind as a child...hmm now that i think about it its like i was brainwashed thinking boys were bad and i cant let myself near one ever..which is probably why i dint even slap fives with guys until like grade 5 oh gosh! i HAVE been brainwashed..poor me! (did i mention this is tha self pity section) anyways i dunno its just that everybody found sumbody...and yet im still here all alone..*sigh* and even if they dint find somebody theyd always can find somebody really easily. for phoebe theres her looks..cuz really she IS really pretty and then for choe theres her crazily outgoing personality that just attracts ppl to her and for abby her niceness is jus like radiating from her and etc its just like..ugh ...it sux cuz..im not special..im not special in any way and i never was and i highly doubt i ever will be..ill always be average normal middle for evrything. okay after all this i really should find something to brighten up my life shouldnt i....=)
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