10/24/2004
life is like life.
as my title..life is like life. it looks so good..so attractive..so much better than death rite..and yet who knew it could be so hard and crooked. how could it be. it started off so easy. sometimes i dont think our human minds can truly comprehend how hard life is. or we tend to continually forget because it seems that people are shocked or surprised when something bad happens. and im not saying that im not.
aight this is stupid. but if were gonna be communicating through blog then here we go. a friend of mine told me to read someone elses blog because truly..i dont really spend time going through my friends thoughts because if its something they want to tell me they would say it to me directly..makes sense doesnt it? well going back so i go to this certain friends blog and as i read i am filled with emotions. yes regret, guilt, remorse, all those other good things..but then it was tinged with a tiny bit of anger. and why. you see i take as all against me. because i understand the situation. but its not random acts of anger. i take it to be righteous anger. and i take that this other person has the same. because neither of us had taken the time to talk to each other.
well on one issue about emotions..the part which i find most disturbing. as this person said you can control what you do with your emotions. and thats exactly what i did but you dint give me enough time to. i was sorting it through. if you really knew me you wouldve known i wouldnt just further it. all you kno is the surface idea. you have no idea the things that happened in between. the thoughts, the struggles, the prayers..ya obviously you notice all the stuff that hurts you..those are the ones that stick to you..its like a collection of darts fly directly at you and only a few have the ability to hurt. obviously those will stand out to you because those are the only areas that you are noticing rite now.
heres a piece of myself that only journalling will reveal..because journalling is or at least for yourself to resolve your problems with a new perspective. as i said before..history repeats itself..the same thing happened and i dint handle that quite as well..but heres the good thing about old fashioned journalling..its written with ink..sure you can cover it..but its still there..and heres the even better thing..you remember it..you have time to think it through..you learn how you will do it better the next time..and thats what i was doing..i regret all those mistakes ive made a million times over but this is one that i dint and its probably the only one that caused a big fuss..isnt that ironic now? now that i think about it..my whole life is pretty ironic..but continuing on because theres much more to be covered...
personally the phrase "you have to love me as i am..flaws and all" makes me think..sure we have to love the person for who they are i mean you have to love them. what more is there to say..but it also makes me think..if you are loved with all your flaws doesnt that mean that you dont need to change cuz youre loved anyways..in my opinion i think thats just what our world teaches us. our world teaches us to be comfortable in our situation..why do anything else..if evrything is liveable with presently why change it. ya theres truth in that but theres a lot of bs in that too. we will never be perfect..thats truth..but just because we know we will never be perfect doesnt mean that we should give up trying to be better. we say things..mayb not phrased perfectly but towards our friends..or just anyone we love its to make us better. my mom yells at me constantly (its like a nagging pain in the arse but inside my head) she knows that itll make me mad but that doesnt mean its not good for me..mayb thats not the perfect example but i get the idea.
and also. if we love someone flaws and all..doesnt that mean we love their flaws? let me rephrase if we love someone flaws and all..lets say their flaw is liking a lot of attention..soo lets say attention-seeking..does that mean that we like how they are attention seeking? no we like them..but not their flaws. right?
back·stab To attack (someone) unfairly, especially in an underhand, deceitful manner
un·der·hand Marked by or done in a deceptive, secret, or sly manner; dishonest and sneaky.
de·ceit·ful Given to cheating or deceiving.
Deliberately misleading; deceptive
hmm i dont kno..mayb it was backstabbing..i saw it as out of love. ive spent enough time on this blog. mayb ill rite more later because its really pointless..now i feel like im just defending myself and i dont think i need to..i need to apologize sure..i dont need to defend myself. ive stepped aside from myself and i kno how you see me and how those around me see me..but have you..? ill just call this. lack of communication
now to my next journal. catch me if you can.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home