11/23/2004
words from aa in the course of november :)
you may call me joanne.
november 23, 2004
"Cause we`ve lost it all, nothing lasts forever, I`m sorry I can`t be perfect." - Simple Plan
lost: To be unsuccessful in retaining possession of.
I dont want to make a sound.
so many times in my life i felt like life is just so pointless..i mean when you think about it it is right? so many times i`ve found myself asking why i was so useless purposeless...was God just putting me on this earth to provide misery for everyone around me because that`s what it seemed like that not too long ago. so many times i`ve felt like such a fool, such a hypocrite. it`s like i pointed out all the bad points to myself, scarred it on my mind, and they followed me constantly in my thoughts. so many times nothing was going right...and then everytime i felt like i was at the lowest, lower than any low i`ve been at before..something happens and i see Gods light again and He reaches out to me and brings me back on track. so many times this has happened, i guess im not a very fast learner. and the concept that i still try to grasp is how He would still bring me back no matter how many times i put things ahead of Him, forsaked Him. slap Him, spit on him, trash Him. of course not literally, but all the same i know ive hurt Him so many times. He`s been patient, He` been kind. He doesn`t envy, He doesn`t boast, He`s not proud. He`s not rude, He`s not self-seeking, He`s not easily angered, He doesn`t keep a record of wrongs. He doesn`t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
God never fails.
im such a spoiled little brat. i mean i have so much so why am i always complaining and asking for more? i mean my life has problems but everybody does. my life has been blessed beyond words could ever describe and i just think about it and im just like, wait, why am i complaining. look down look straight look up, life is pretty darned good. difficulties and all.
if it makes you happy im absolutely fine with that. goodbye.
obviously trying is not enough.
how can it be that in less than 24 hours things can change so dramatically and change back. God you make life so weird..i love you.
a year or two ago, i remember i used to look at church as such a drag i mean i never really wanted to go it was more like a routine thing for me, my heart was not in it and it was just so plain to me. but obviously something changed..my haven is here now gosh i look back at grade 7s and 8s and my heart just like goes out to them i wish i could tell them to search for God at their age rather than later i want them to experience the same love i feel or even greater. lol i dont know why im thinking about this...just reminiscing bout the changes ive been through. its weird cause before i would talk about how i regretted doing things..but now i cant honestly say i regret anything. like we talked about in worship team... perserverance must finish its work so you may be mature and complete. if its maturity and completeness that youre gaining what can you regret. a friend of mine said that "if you lived your life to satisfaction you wont regret what you do and if you keep battling against getting older, you`re going to be unhappy, cuz it`s gonna happen anyways!" why fight it when you can be happy...
msn 7 is fancy..kind of annoying..its gonna take some time getting used to. im sorry for ditching you guys for the phone lol hope you had fun anyways? gosh im such a bad host..next time la =) cheeese
yearbook meeting..aaaaah im so tired im trying to stay awake..and i cant find my seneca layout its not in its folder!! tha file is blank!! i think im gonna cry >.< eeeeerks anyways i feel like such a loser now..i have no idea what were doing aaaaah okay now onto the blog
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