in a daze

5/11/2005

this incomplete puzzle

i tried to go on like i never knew you
im awake when my world is half asleep"

i hate this whole "situation" youve changed or you havent because i know that theres times when youre still the same person i know and liked but sometimes its like i dont even KNOW you anymore. and the more i try to comprehend it the more repelled i seem to be. i dont want to wait for you or for everything to just "pass over" have you forgotten the worth of a friend..or friends. i wanna walk right up to you and slap you and tell you to get it together because some time around people arent going to wait and move right on without you. suit yourself, just holler when youve decided to grow up.

you, i dont even know what to do. i talked to mel and sharon about it briefly over viet but i dunno somehow the topic change. so what do i just wait for God do i just sit here and like twiddle my thumb or something. cuz God i really dont know when it all seems like its just falling. just like sinking lower. i cant watch it sink God, if you want it to fade away make it fast and make it hurt less. i cant do anything, ive tried nothing seems "right" im 100% helpless and confused so here God take it. =/

so i met a boy. or i didnt really meet him *shrugs* the internet is such a crazy little hookup field. i wanna make him a Christian. =D im evil for God its true. secret behind the scenes plotting. i dont know how when where etc but i want to. or i want to lead him. ohhh im a devious little girl. and i have to admit hes a sweetie to talk too..although i have a feeling im gonna get bored soon if i dont try. =/

i have this friend right, and he just reminded me that life can suddenly crash down on you, fall apart and crumble right before your eyes and there will be times when its seems God isnt there and there are no answers. through disease, or financial problems, relationship problems, spiritual problems, or psychological problems or ALL OF THE ABOVE. what can you do, or more applicable what do you say to someone whos feeling the pressure. will giving them a destress candle be enough. can you even say "i understand" how useless will "i'll pray for you" sound or "just trust God" it sounds so futile and wasted.

hmmm, as much as i very enjoy my fairly problemless life. i kind of wonder if it would be better if i did have problems, i had a messed up past, i fell dramatically. what use will it be to someone whos feeling lower than crap by being comforted by someone who doesnt understand not even by a little the emotions theyre going through. i'm DEFINITELY not asking for anymore drama to come across i dont think i can handle it with these petty things that still need to be resolved but how do you walk in someones shoes if youre never given the shoes to wear. you only see them walking away in them.

anyways mothers pissing off. goodnight y'all

posted by joanne - @ 10:27 pm