in a daze

7/13/2005

overview of the trip

ive been back in toronto for three days and a few hours now and it feels so weird not being in philly.
no more waking up to 11 girls around you and feeding of so many varieties of millville cereal. no more driving around with two other cars tailing after you and talking with walkie talkies. no more watching suuit and kelly banter back and forth. but more importantly, these past three days what form of service have i done for toronto.
its weird up in markham, where the streets are so clean, the buildings are all organized, and compared to philly, everything is immaculate. its sad walking downtown and seeing people who may need help but being too afraid to go help them by myself. i really wanted to ask them how they were doing, but its not the same as it was in philadelphia.
and then one mind boggling thought edwin mentioned, when we left for philly we were at the toronto bus terminal, we spend one inspiring adventure in philly leaving with hearts to change toronto, and then we come back and were at the exact same spot, at the bus terminal. its like those cartoons when the little kid goes off on a crazy adventure somewhere far away and then hes transported right back to where he was at the beginning. were we still going to have the same mindset we had in philly, even back in the place where we werent as bold about our faith, where we wouldnt walk up to random strangers with the hopes of making their day happier, where we wouldnt even go ask people that look lost if they needed help...

i came back to toronto with a conviction to help people like those we've helped in philly. the only problem is, i can't seem to go to the old man on the street thats screaming out with horror or talk to that man on the subway that was talking to himself really loudly. i feel like i just broke a promise by walking away from them. but was i right to walk away, for my own safety, =/ but nonetheless, i've left philly with a heart open to serving my city. and although i felt torn walking right past those men, i've realized that i have to be smart about how i help as well.

i guess yeah, i'm really excited to volunteer around and just do something simple like hand out bottles of water.

i'd have to say, philly was one amazing experience, and it has made me taught so much, mentally, and spiritually. because we've endured sleeping in a room with the company of the ants and the worms, weve endured five minute showers everyday, we've seen the neighbourhoods that were blocked out from the map of philadelphia, weve seen the shoes from the wires, their only memorial, of those who died in gang violence, weve seen a little boy still out at 10pm trying to sell items at a street corner to make a few dollars, weve experienced for a few moments what it was like to live on the streets, we saw a young girl dancing and skipping happily on the streets of kensington one of the most prominent drug-dealing, prostitution-filled, and abusive areas. it was sad to see this was the life that people actually have to live through, it wasnt the films over dramatizing these peoples' lives, it was more these people were putting the films to shame with how little they portray of the ominous darkness that is so tangible.

yeah, it makes me feel like i've finally really stepped out of my little bubble world of petty drama and enjoyments and see other people the way God sees them.

and the REALLY sad thing, after i said all this, i have to end cuz i'm off to get a facial. -.- but it's not of my own free will

posted by joanne - @ 1:29 pm