8/14/2005
welcome back.
i've sang come home running, more than once, believing i won't fall away from God, i've realized my entire world just feels lost and found my way back to God time after time, i've repented and fallen away again, like some tireless wave. august 14th, i find myself at the exact same position of my circle and i really wanna get out.i'm sick of how i don't what to say, so i say what everyone else is saying, sick that when i don't know what to do, i do what everyone else is doing, and frustrated when i don't seem to belong anywhere, so i try to blend in the direction everyone else seems to be going. i know i've been so wrong.
yeah, i figured, i dont feel like i belong in any of these poshy groups, toite circles, etcetc, because i'm not supposed to. i belong to God, and He's different from everyone else, everything else. its hard, being different, and all that crazy jazz, i hate it..but i love it.
one of the greatest lessons i learned in philly, is through the people we've met. it's from them, that i truly saw God working, by the way they talked, the things they said, the twinkle in their eye, the hard work they put in, you can tell just by looking at them, they're different. and that really inspires me, to not be the typical asian girl, to not be a typical human being.
i'm so afraid, that everything i say right now, are just words...again. like the last few times i've written posts like this. i'm afraid of letting myself go up, and falling right back down, and letting myself become bored, lazy, nonchalant, indifferent about my faith. i'm afraid to change.
2 Comments:
dont let fear hold you back jo.
and you're not just some average asian chiqua..
you're a child of God!
change is never easy... but if you know in the long run that it'll be so worth it, you'll be able to set that fear down and take some action, applying what you learnt from philly to now. remember what you said you were gonna do here in toronto after you came back....
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